Digital technologies have done their job: some adolescents are comfortable at home today, they already have their whole life on the Internet. But among them there are many who are eager for the street – spite of isolation and contrary to prohibitions. How to keep them at home? And how not to go crazy, staying with them for weeks under one roof? Consider the situation with the age psychologist Galia Nigmetzhanova.

You can’t envy a teenager today: his whole being is directed to the outside world – away from parents, closer to friends. This is a time of risk and adventure, craving for autonomy and self -affirmation, hormonal storms and strong affects … Is it easy for the teenager to come to terms with restrictions?

17-year-old freshman Misha is eager to volunteer, he is looking for a reason to move freely around the city: he was dangled to sit in four walls and communicate with his beloved girl through a webcam. The 16-year-old Katya feels herself driven into a trap when an angry mother bursts into her room, demands to stop the conversation in WhatsApp and prepare for exams. Before, she would slip away from home and escape hysterical and notations. And now I have to listen to screams and snapped in response.

The less conscious peers of Katya and Misha just go outside. “Around me is full of those who are not sitting at home,” says 15-year-old Vsevolod, living in the sleeping area of Moscow. – Some want to show that they are not afraid of anything, gathering companies. Others believe that there is no danger. And someone cannot live without movement. My neighbor plays football every day in a “box”, pulls on the simulators. He flies from his father very strongly, but he still plays. Parents go to work, and he walk “.

How to keep a teenager in an apartment and not turn the home space into a battlefield?

“Most often, those who are better, calmer in another place are torn from the house than near parents, most likely too strict, controlling,” explains the psychologist Galia Nigmetzhanova. – They run to where they are accepted, supported “. In a quarantine situation, such a teenager is faced with a choice: to observe the insulation regime and find himself in a closed, conflict space with a pressing adult or rebel, defiantly neglecting the rules. How to survive this time with minimal losses? How to keep a teenager in an apartment and not turn the home space into a battlefield?

Separate your alarm

Everyone today is concerned about what will happen next. With business, income and further on the list. Not every of us is able to withstand this anxiety. “In a situation of stress, we all involuntarily expect support from loved ones,” the psychologist says. “We think something like this:“ Everything is incomprehensible, unknown, scary, but even if the family members behaved so that I feel better. ”.

As a result, parents splash out the alarm on the children, clinging to some regime questions: you are sitting there behind the door, and it is not clear what you do there. I would like to know: are you doing lessons? Are you preparing for exams?

Remember Katya’s story: the mother has been in advance, without knocking he invades her daughter’s room, sees that the girl has fun with someone, and starts to scream from the threshold. What a mother wants at this moment, who, most likely, will lose his job and will not be able to pay her daughter’s studies? She wants to calm her alarm. She does not explain to her daughter why she is bad, does not offer to discuss the situation that scares her. She needs everything at home by default to be arranged and established to make her a little easier. But working with her anxiety is not a teenager’s task.

Take care of personal boundaries

Tineeger, like any family member, needs his safe space inside the house. The experience of Soviet communal apartments shows that it is quite possible to find such a place even in a cramped room. If the boundaries are not defined by default, agree where they go, how to act on the “alien” territory and what to consider general concerns to maintain order.

Spend your actions

In ordinary life, we are used to building our actions so as not to interfere with anyone. We try not to get up in the morning at one time so as not to crowd at common areas. In the current situation, when all the houses, the interests of the teenager are probably somehow hurt. Violation of the usual regime is the first reason for a quarrel. The only possible option is to agree. Review your usual day, from the moment of awakening until you go to bed, discuss possible compromises.

Let him go

Love and strong friendship suffer very much from partings. Try to understand what is behind the behavior of a young man in love who is torn on a date, support him emotionally, say: “Yes, it is incredibly difficult for lovers to separate, every hour is separated by eternity”. Only after a person has emotionally understood and accepted, you can discuss something rational with him.

Explain that the meeting increases the risk not only for the lovers themselves, but also for their home. Discuss what can be done at the virtual level. When the parting is not forever, but temporarily, this can be withstanded.

“And yet, adults should keep in mind that love is an altered state of the psyche, an emotional storm that makes a person unequal to himself,” Galia Nigmetzhanova recalls. – understanding the danger in this case does not work. Therefore, it is better to let go of a teenager in love, obsessed with a meeting, spoke all possible ways to protect. Trust is more important than the behavior that is momentary to us – under any circumstances. Relations are of great value than individual actions “.